Unwind.

I cannot wait to turn 18 & be out of this house. It’s filled with too much stress for a girl to take in.

I am a teenage FUCK UP.

But who cares right? Nobody will call my shots wrong, nobody has a voice. Big bark and no bite. NO. Give me something real. If you’ve got a pulse running through your veins, tell me I’m wrong. Lead me in the right path or forever watch me fall. I can’t do this on my own anymore. I’m branching out like a spider web but nobody is there to guide me. I’m WRONG. Are you fucking happy? What else is there to say? I’ve been shipped out for combat without a bullet to my name. How do you expect me to survive? This isn’t some short, easy ride. What kills me inside? Fuck you, you don’t care, I’ve already tried to pry, there are no answers inside. You. – Can’t do anything because you choose not to. I don’t need your constant tug like a throbbing scar; just give me a nudge, a temporary crutch, don’t throw me behind shadowed bars!

I hate so many people. Not even hate, I could simply care less about more than 90% of the people I know. They don’t really care.. If something happened to me they’d feel sad for only a day. Who would really care in my absence? Who would remember me? My name? What my life was about? They wouldn’t. Nobody knows me. Nobody cares. I don’t even care. I’m done. I can’t handle any of this anymore. I act tough. I play it off like I don’t need anybody.. But all I want is somebody who truly cares for me. Who I can genuinely trust and who won’t use me. Why is it that the human race can’t accept my request?

Lost my fucking ciggs & all I wanna do is smoke. What the fuck. They’re nowhere to be fucking found. So either I just can’t find them, or somebody’s lying about where they are. That’s my shit. Don’t fuck with it.

I miss how things used to be.
When I had tuns of close friends.
When I was surrounded by the people I love and their bright moods.
When I always had someone to talk to when times got rough.
When I wasn’t such a shitty friend.
When I was on my A-Game.
When I was me.
When I was happy with myself & my surroundings.

It’s about time I make amends and find peace within myself again. I can’t continue this lonely mindset. I’ll go mad.

I’m a loner with no friends.
Nobody cares about me, nobody really loves me.
If they say they do, it’s a lie.
Depressed Lil fuck? Correct.

Move out west? Up north? Somewhere else away from here? Yes please.

I want to be away from everybody.
Nobody would notice or care anyways. They wouldn’t remember my name.

I’m tired of feeling this way.

- Tired of feeling like shit.

- Tired of being held down.

- Tired of the lack of confidence.

- Tired of losing myself.

- Tired of thinking the way I do.

- Tired and sick of it all.

I want to hit bottom.

- Because I need to come up.

I need out of this dull state.

- Of mind, body & location.

I just want to cry for hours on end.

- But we all know that doesn’t help.

I want to help myself.

- But maybe it’s time I try and let others help me?

HA.

Stubborn me? Thinking that? What?

Yeah, fuck that. 

I can’t reach out, I don’t want to.

- But I need to?

This is a dark hole. 

Colorless? Thoughtless? Chaotic? 

Perhaps, yes.

Just why?

- A dull cycle to balance a brighter, previous one?

 - There should be no need.

Why do I always bring myself down? 

I feel like sheeeeeit.

Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.

Will I tell you why?

Lol, you wish. 

Bitch. Suck a dick.

I’ll pop you right in yo’ sheeeiiiiiiit. 

Gone? Yeah, slip me that excused slip.

Drip,drip. 

Caught it, wanna hit?

You are my ocean. My seven seas. The sand that warms me, mingling about my feet. The cool breeze that rocks me to sleep. My cradling wave that protects me from rough currents. You bring about the ultimate me. Touch me lightly, again, my sweet, salty sea. Blow your breath into my hair, stroke it back, as my eyes glow with a soft, sunny glare. Take me away, into beach bearing arms and allow your wave breaking breaths of untold stories sing me songs. On your banks and beaches, driftwood reaches. Blind eyes see russet insignia, but leagues under gazing up, ocean hues meet lightly kissed golden slits.
You are my gift. A present of presence. For you it is who I come to, when I need to undo. Unwind, I rely on your vocals of rhyme, as I hear soft melodies chime. To be inspired, it is your spark I crave. As salty spiked driftwood burns, shades churn. Flames of red are not seen, but mingling about are ashes of pure, passionate green. To be myself? It is not you I need, but for some reason unseen, you, my ocean, awaken me. With each sprinkle of a sea shower, mists of energy filled medians engulf my being every second, of every hour.

I just want to be done with everything.
Done with high school so i can start MY life and go to college.
Done with relationships so no hearts get broken and so I can be clear minded instead of engulfed with additional teenage hormones and thoughts.
Done with people. I hate people. I want to be surrounded by nature and nature only.
Done with feeling like shit everyday because I hate my body but don’t try hard enough to change it.
Done with sparing people’s feelings, if they can’t handle the truth, that’s a personal problem.
Fuck. I just want to be peaceful and reach serenity on a calm, clear minded level.
I just way out of this life. Being human is so hard.